but its like so stressed..i know that i should be happy and whatshit cause i got to go sec 4 and all.but im scared to fail and go to an I.T.E i mean,i.t.e is alright but i wanna go to a poly and take some biological or veteranarian course or something.and the passing criteria is like must pass is like,english must pass,maths must pass and 3 other subjects.i think i got english,science and humanities and art,haha but my maths smells so bad,like spoilt milk or something.

i just cant believe that im feeling so sad right now..i dont know fucking why,and now i noticed that im swearing in my post's more often,what the hell lah...there i go again.

i just want my chalet to come quickly..and i wanna spend it meaningfully with my friends and have no conflicts happen,cause if it does happen i dont know what i would do.

this post is the longest post up to date for me.

i found this poem while browsing my old files.

entitled,

i hate you but i love you.

I want to hate you,seeing you happy with another person.im so tired of it.i had to send you away,without you knowing why.

It happened so long ago,the feelings are probably gone now.i tried so hard,to forget you.but i cant help it thats its impossible to do.

Nothings changed except that now im all alone.i tried to believe that,i would find another,but now its just hard to breathe.

My sorrow,keeps getting bigger and bigger.i just cant seem to erase those memories out of my head.

I want to hate you,im tired of watching you,pretending that you've forgotten me.living each day,without any strength left.

I hate myself for it,i tried my best to change.but it just wont.

I was going to send you away,without any grudges.I believed that i could take the pain.

but the wound just keeps getting deeper and deeper.

i cant take it anymore,im hating you more and more each day,every minute,every second.

well,thats the end.

'i love you,i love you,i love you as much as the skies.